SEVEN THINGS THAT MUST BE FROM THE PITS OF HELL

Normally we cover some pretty serious stuff on here but I thought it was about time for a little respite from the usual kerfuffle.  So here we go.  

SEVEN THINGS THAT MUST BE FROM THE PITS OF HELL:

FLAT-HEAD SCREWS

This demonic weapon has been the bane of dads and handymen across the globe.  Since the invention of the Phillips or "cross-head" screw in the mid-1930's this evil device no longer serves any real purpose to mankind.  However, manufacturers continue to produce this abomination... proof, I think, that it is a craft straight from the abyss.

AIRPLANE SEATS

Obviously implemented as a form of torture by Satan himself, these seats are in no way designed to accommodate the human form.  However, probably quite suitable for a snarling beast from the underworld. 

SUGAR-FREE GUMMY BEARS

I will confess that I have not tried these (nor ever will) but I read some of the reviews and they had me crying.  I knew these had to make the list.

SINGLE-PLY TOILET PAPER

(no commentary needed)







GAS STATION BATHROOMS

It is a little known fact that gas station bathrooms are actually secret portals to hell itself... complete with single-ply toilet paper of course.  When you leave one of these demonic gateways you are left wondering, "Should I wash my hands or try to escape without touching anything?" 






CLAMSHELL PLASTIC PACKAGING


It's always so exciting to get something new but that joy soon fades as we are faced with the insurmountable task of actually opening the package... especially if it is secured in what is known as a "clamshell."  Countless toys and devices have been maimed and broken while trying to access our new acquisitions held captive in these force-fields from Hell.  The word "clamshell" even has the word "hell" in it.  Such an obvious clue regarding it's origins.   







SHOPPING CART WITH THE BAD WHEEL

I'm sure we've all had one of these and the shopping cart itself is probably not from the lake of burning sulfur.  What IS evil is the timing when you happen to choose the one with the shaky wheel.  On a trip to the market alone where I am free to frolic through the aisles at my leisure, my cart's wheels are aligned with laser precision and lubricated properly...
But when I'm forced to go with three screaming children and must fly through the store with limited time, my cart is possessed by an agent of darkness.